Messing with Mike
by Heartbroken1
Summary: Originally chapter 26 in ‘One Bite…’ but it’s too funny for all the Edward lovers to miss : Enjoy! The Cullens have returned to Forks, and they’ve decided to watch over Bella while she’s at work. It’s Emmett’s turn, and simply staying in the shadows.


Summary: Originally chapter 26 in 'One Bite…' but it's too funny for all the Edward lovers to miss. Enjoy! The Cullens have returned to Forks. To be safe, they've decided to watch over Bella while she's at work. It's Emmett's turn, and simply staying in the shadows isn't good enough for him.

Thanks to rrryn and Eowyn77 for helping with this story!

Messing with Mike _by Heartbroken1_

Here I sat in the shadows like some kind of criminal. I'd been crouched outside of Newton's for hours, and there was still no sign of Victoria. Currently, the only ones I could see were that idiot, Mike Newton and some pimply teenager, who I gathered was named Kevin.

"So, do you think my having a date will make Bella jealous?"

I fought back a laugh, but Kevin let his roar. "You're kidding, right?"

It seemed that Mike Newton hadn't changed in the time we'd been gone. He never had a chance with Bella when Edward was gone; and now, that he was back and they were together again, it was just plain comical that he still hadn't given up. _What a dork!_

I picked up a pebble and rubbed it between my fingers, waiting for the perfect moment to launch my attack. Kevin had his back to Mike. _Perfect! _I waited and when Mike bent down to pick something up, I lobbed it at him. _Two points! _It hit him right behind the left ear.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Mike sneered.

"What are you talking about?" Kevin asked, puzzled.

Mike snorted at Kevin in disgust, before bending over to break down another box. I threw another pebble, harder this time. I stifled a laugh.

"Dude!" Mike snarled.

"What?"

"Stop it!"

One more pebble. Direct hit.

Mike's hand whipped up to cover the spot where'd he'd been hit and he whirled around, glaring at poor Kevin, who didn't have a clue. "Just go inside. I'll do it myself," Mike muttered.

"Whatever," Kevin shrugged. "Boy, and I thought you were only delusional about Bella wanting you someday."

"Shut up!" Mike yelled.

"You really should see a shrink," Kevin laughed as he disappeared through the back door of the store.

With Mike all alone, I started to formulate a plan. Vampire speed would allow me to really mess with him now. I chuckled to myself as I thought about what I was going to do and waited until he had a pile of cardboard that came up to his knees.

When he bent down for another box, I swooped in, sending his pile flying in every direction until it covered the asphalt.

"What the..." He looked around. I hid behind a tree, hoping my snickers didn't give me away. He began gathering up his pile. Again, I waited until he had a pretty good stack before I 'blew' through.

This time I used more force and the flat boxes flew even further in every direction, some of them blowing around the building near the parking lot.

"Okay, I didn't even feel a breeze that time," he muttered to himself while turning his head from one side to the other, searching for the source of the wind. "Kevin, if that's you, I'm gonna..." he stopped, shaking his head.

In that moment, I wished more than anything I had Edward's talent for hearing thoughts. I'm sure Mike's would have had me in complete hysterics.

He jerked the back door open and I pouted, thinking that my fun was going to end. Instead, I smiled as he began pulling out bags of trash. He took the first couple bags and walked over toward the dumpster.

I had an idea.

He threw the first two bags into the dumpster and headed back for more.

I jumped in, pulled out the bags he'd just deposited and sat them in front of the dumpster. _For this, I am not too proud to go dumpster diving. It will be worth it to see the look on his pathetic face, _I thought as I concealed myself behind the trees and waited.

I watched as Mike picked up another couple bags and turned. He took one step and stopped, foot in the air. "KEVIN!" he yelled.

"Yeah?" The back door swung open, almost knocking Mike to the ground.

"You see that?" Mike asked, pointing at the bags in front of the dumpster.

"Uh, it's a couple of bags of trash in front of the dumpster," Kevin explained sarcastically.

I really liked this guy, who seemed to enjoy Mike's idiocy as much as I did. I felt a little bad I couldn't let him in on the joke.

"In _front_ of the dumpster." Mike shook his head. "I just put them _in_. I walked back here. I turn around, and they're sitting on the ground in front of the dumpster."

"Are you sure?" Kevin asked, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head at Mike like he was a nut case.

"Watch this." Mike walked over, depositing all four bags into the dumpster. Of course, nothing happened.

"Way to go, chief. You managed to throw away four bags of trash. Would you like a medal?" his comments dripping with sarcasm.

Mike glared at him. "Keep your eyes on the dumpster." Mike bent down to pick up two more bags. I did nothing. He turned around and blinked at the empty spot in front of the trash bin.

"Dude, you're losing it," Kevin noted, before walking back inside, letting the door close with a slam. Mike watched the door in disbelief.

I seized my chance. I jumped in, pulling out all four bags, sitting them neatly on the asphalt in front of the dumpster. I could hardly catch my breath as my laughter fought to give me away.

Mike just stood, looking at the bags sitting where they had not been moments before. His mouth resembled that of a goldfish as the hamsters in his idiot brain searched for an explanation.

He stomped over, threw all six bags into the dumpster and returned to the door. He ripped it open, grabbing two more bags.

This time, I decided I'd had enough of the current rules and upped the ante. Instead of sitting them neatly in front of the dumpster, I shredded each bag, spilling the contents all over the ground. There was a mound of trash that could've easily buried a dead body.

That gave me another idea, but I shrugged it off.

I watched just long enough to see his eyes widen and hear him scream, "I'm going to kill whoever is messing with me."

_I'd like to see you try, _I thought.

I'd heard Edward's car a few minutes ago, so there was no longer a need for me to be here anyway.

I unleashed all the built up laughter as I ran through the forest. I had a hilarious story to tell my family.


End file.
